Welcome Back, Tutor Boy...

David Gray songs, white Tahoes, physics books, Michigan, boys with guitars, all night conversations over cups of coffee, the History Channel at 4am.

All those reasons listed above are the reason I am celebrating Cinco de Mayo one day early. What brings this drinkfest, one day ahead of schedule? What else. A boy. That boy with the oh so cute northern accent. We'll call him "Tutor Boy" for that's what he was before I dated him...

Geez was last night a rough night of sleep. Could I have been hounded anymore in my dreams? Seriously, I met up with two ex-boyfriend's mothers, PLUS I had my best friend and Tutor Boy making out. Good God. Which brings me to this quote, by John Mayer. Except, make it into a girl's perspective, "Even if you think the flame has died, there's at least one lyric that'll hit that last hot spot, and then you'll find yourself as fucked as you were the day you lied and said you never wanted to see her again."

So, when I woke, I was brought back to all the things that had occurred in the past few months. Ya, ya. I'm only 20. Blah blah blah. I've heard it. But, if you're older than me, you've most likely been here, and if you're younger than me, you'll be here. For the first time ever in my life, I fell in love. I dated a few guys before, but this was that head over heels, talk about when we're old and gray type of thing. That was, until I had to come back here to "sort it out" with my parents.

I remember when we broke up, after a day of not talking to eachother, he wanted to go back to being best friends and talking all night on the phone. Of course I stupidly went along with it. I was so pissed when he talked about what he was doing, like eating or playing video games. I was sitting alone in my apartment (Christmas break in a college town), not able to eat or sleep, and he was EATING?

When I came back here, he and my friends had no idea what was going on with my mom. She didn't like him, that he knew. But it wasn't until one day when she left the normal voicemail on his phone, "Hi, this is Mrs. _____, I'm having trouble with Elizabeth, please call me back. Thank you!" But that one time, she forgot to hang up the phone. What he heard after that, he won't tell me. Except a lot of screaming on her part. And horrible names. That night, we talked online secretly (I wasn't allowed to talk to him for some reason). He had called my friends and asked them if they knew what was going on. He was worried for my safety. We would talk for hours about how I could get out of here. He told me that he would no longer be here for me to "play make believe". It was nice, the first time I didn't have to pretend with someone that everything was great here. Nothing came of it. My mom called him one too many times. We are no longer in contact, on mutual agreement. But everytime I see him in a dream, it reminds me that he was the only one to ever hear what goes on behind these closed doors.